The Delinquent Wall

It hurts me sad,
thinking of it
Miss Fellows
Our new young English teacher
Twenty minutes into her first lesson
On her first day
Lacking the confidence to talk over the ghetto of
Children strangling each other
Cutting words into their forearms
Holding up the centre spread of a porn mag;
or The Girls:
padding out their bra's with pages ripped from Shakespeare.

And it aggravates tears,
imagining how alone she felt
Staring out across some of the Inner City's worst problems
Sipping from a coffee we'd all dropped a dollop full of gob into
Then opening her brown leather clip bag
And being hit by the combustible stench
of a child's greenish
malnutritioned shit
Which I had strained into it during lunch hour.

She recoiled in horror
Her face hung with grief
Her hands up to about her ears
Like that famous screaming painting
Now frozen and facing the class
Our strict attention,
all hers
Watching as she cracked
As her tears and noises rolled out
And rebounded
Off A nightmarish wall of hysterical juvenile deliquency:
Jason Cotton laughing so hard that he farted and fell off his chair

For some reason
thiking of that,
makes me terribly, terribly sad.

(I think)


  1. But I bet at the time you all thought it was hilarious.

    Funny how the things we are often the most ashamed of are not the worst things we've ever done.

  2. Oh yeah, it was great at the time. I'm not saying I wouldn't do it again, I would, teacher's handbags were made for shitting in.

    But seriously, that was our goal as a corrupt class:

    make the female teachers cry; enrage the male teachers until they cracked and physically assaulted you and lost their job.

    It was a group effort. And we had some wonderful successes. Mr Hunter was never allowed to teach again after locking us in class, smashing a wooden blackboard cleaner into one pupil's face and then hurling chairs at the rest of us. He taught Religious Education. Once he turned of all the lights and closed the curtains, so it was pitch black, and then told us Satan was in the room and started making all these weird noises. As a class we got up and left... 33 of us up reporting the incident to the Headmaster. Most teachers shouldn't be allowed anywhere near children.


  3. Made me feel sad..
    Although I was a little bitch at school .. it was a catholic school run my nuns .. so they are the worst cruel and frustrated people i know.. I just stopped going.. I dont think I could shit on command Shane.. I think I should say well done.. but its kind of gross LOL xx

  4. Hey Ruth,

    Yeah, those nuns have bad habits! (That's a really bad joke isn't it? haha)

    ...but its kind of gross LOL

    Oh, but you never saw this handbag! I know you're someone with an eye for fashion, so you'll understand. I mean, a young girl, maybe 26, walking around with that stuffy old thing! God, can you even imagine what her matching shoes looked like? She deserved all she got and should think herself lucky for it. Why i ever said "it makes me terribly sad" I don't know... just seemed to make the poem seem a little deeper I suppose! Haha


  5. Please write a poem about that devil in the room incident, that is pure fucking gold shane.

  6. Aww poor lady!

    However, that makes me ashamed for being such a boring ass well-behaved child! The only school incident being in Kindergarten, staying out after being called in for recess, just to go down the slide a couple of times with a couple of boys. Always have gotten along better with boys. But see, you've been interesting & playful & naughty your whole life! ☺